I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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