I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
