My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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