I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize