I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
