You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
