As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
BRING THE BAGELS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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