life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize