Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
