We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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