I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just blew my weed a kiss
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
