im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
