i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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