i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
