is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize