i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
