Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
