I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
