haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
