C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
birth control should be required to get into college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
