so that wasnt chicken after all
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
