he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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