Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
