I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
