she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
