the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
