Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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