I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
