Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
