I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
