Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
