we made out on top of his cat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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