So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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