the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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