There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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