I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
