for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
