im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just want to make out with him forever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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