I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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