Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my shit smells like andre
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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