if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize