I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize