so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
