He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
