Pants 0. Shit 1.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
