There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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