I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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