he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
