if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
