I accidentally had phone sex last night
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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