2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
