I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
