At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the condom got lost in my hair
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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