I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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