I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize