happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
