This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
