My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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