I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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