was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
