the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
