Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
