I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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