I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
