I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
