I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
