alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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