just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
