Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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