I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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