lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
