He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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