I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
