is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
