I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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