Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
