I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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