That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
